Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
