Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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