dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
