my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
