I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
