his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
