i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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