Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
