There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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