god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize