if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
