Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
