We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So much rum. So many feels.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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