The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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