it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
