break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize