If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
