This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize