so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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