I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize