she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
