make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
