I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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