im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
