I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize