sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
