i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
