don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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