I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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