Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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