Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
