I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
