Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
