the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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