she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
