nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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