Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
