Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there was a trapeze. enough said
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
