You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
