What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
