You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
