Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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