she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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