omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
