I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was CRYING into my vagina
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
