he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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