Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
