We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
