where does the pee come out of this thing
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
