hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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