Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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