3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
