Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
