found the other keg... it's in the tree
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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