what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
that's an acceptable place to lick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
