Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
