it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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