I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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