When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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