just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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