sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
