please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
