Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
