yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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