the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
