can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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