I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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