I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
