if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
