All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
